Teenage Mutant Stoner Turtle
by Kinkajouu
Summary: Max asks Draciel for some relationship advice, but he's not really the best person to ask...


+ Teenage Mutant Stoner Turtle. I can't describe it any more than that. Really.

+ Warnings: Language, mentions of marijuana usage. I do not encourage the use of marijuana.

+ Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade. If I did, I'd be rich. But I'm not.

+ A/N: It's been that long since I uploaded a fic that I'd forgotten how I lay these things out. I think this idea came to mind many years ago during a conversation with my best fanfiction friend. Enjoy.

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**Teenage Mutant Stoner Turtle**

"Hey, Draciel?"

"Yeah, man?"

"I need to ask you some advice."

"Ask away, man."

Max leant over the edge of his bunk bed at the turtle below him. He didn't know how to ask Draciel this. He didn't even know if Draciel was even the right person to ask. Did Draciel count a person? Probably not. He was a turtle, after all. But Max was desperate for advice and Draciel was the only guy around, so...

"I want to take the next step with Mariam, but I just don't know how to go about doing it."

Draciel looked up at his blonde friend, and took another toke of the spliff he had been smoking for what seemed like an age. Max was sure he smoked one after another, because he never seemed to be not high. He couldn't complain, really. The weed made Draciel a right laugh.

"Just do it, man."

True stoner advice.

"Draciel, I can't _just do it_. It takes time, and proper conversations about doing it, and I just don't know how to go about doing anything."

Max sighed. He really wished he'd not asked Draciel now, because in hindsight, he was the worst person to ask.

"Max, listen. She loves you. Just stick it in," Draciel said before taking another toke.

"I think there's a bit more to just sticking it in her," Max replied exasperatedly.

"Why is there? She'll love it, you'll love it, I'll love it."

"Draciel, I cannot and will not- wait what?"

"I said nothing."

Max shook his head and lay back on his bed. The next few minutes passed by in silence, except for the sound of Max chewing his bottom lip in thought, and the sound of Draciel puffing away. Max was inwardly debating with himself whether he should ditch this conversation with Draciel to go talk to Tyson. After all, Tyson would have had to take the first step with Hilary. If they'd gotten that far, that is. Unless Hilary had had to take the first step with Tyson, which was definitely more likely.

She would have had to prise him away from the pies and cake in his fridge.

With this thought in mind, Max instantly made the decision not to ask Tyson or Hilary. They would be even less help than Draciel, and that was saying something. Maybe he could ask Kai? Sure, he was in a relationship with another man, so it was probably a little different, but...

Who was Max kidding? He had more chance of getting relationship advice from his stoner turtle's bong than Kai.

"In all serious, Max, just _tell_ Mariam you're ready for the next step. It's all you gotta do, man."

Max couldn't believe his ears. He leant back over the bed to look at Draciel to make sure he wasn't just dreaming.

"Sure, it might be a little awkward, but you gotta tell her how you feel, and that you feel ready to take the next step. If she doesn't feel quite ready yet, then tell her you'll wait, and carry on wanking in the night time over her Facebook photos. If she feels the same, stick some relaxing music on – a bit of Skrillex should do. Then stick your penis in her."

Max tutted and lay back on his bed. For a moment, the advice from Draciel was going well. Max at least knew what he sort of had to do. He'd just tell Mariam, and then see how she felt. It's all he could do. If she wasn't ready, he could wait. He'd do anything for that girl.

There was no way he was playing Skrillex, though.

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+ A/N: Bit of a rushed ending, but I was giggling the whole way through. I love Skrillex, by the way. And this doesn't necessarily mean I'm back to writing fictions... much love for you all! :D


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